Life makes us move. You decide how.

For nearly 20 years, I worked in Higher Education and more specifically in student affairs. I first entered the profession with limited formal training or education, but I leveraged my experience as a 3-year Resident Assistant and 2 years as a Graduate Assistant. I had never heard of the concept of Student Development Theory or Sense of Belonging, and the term “inclusion” was a distant and foreign idea. I was smart enough to realize that I was a novice at best when it came to being a college administrator but figured my work ethic would get me through the difficult times.

As I think back on it now, I was envious and maybe even intimidated by the professionals who attended graduate programs that prepared them for this unique career path. And trust me the learning curve was steep. For example, I had no clue why my housing colleagues snickered after I willingly volunteered for “duty” over Halloween weekend. My first team builder was extremely effective – if the goal was for the entire group to end up crying together. And no one told me that students pinching each other for not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day was just the tip of the iceberg. For most of my first year, ok maybe my first three years, I was completely dependent on my ability to read, interpret, and respond based on individual body language and non-verbal cues. Whether the topic was staff selection, judicial hearings, or behavioral interventions, my instincts, intelligence, and ability to articulate my thoughts were my most powerful tools.

As time passed, my roles and responsibilities expanded, and I continued my pursuit of knowledge, which led me to complete a doctoral degree where the term emotional intelligence became more prominent. Not once did I ever attribute any of my early success to my self-awareness or ability to empathize with others. In my mind, I was following the golden rule- "Move yo feet, lose yo seat", sorry not that one- the other one, "Treat people like you want to be treated." Today, I realize that emotional intelligence was not only at the core of my work so many years ago, but an important part of who I am both personally and professionally.

By definition, Emotional Intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. I saw this in my professional work as I handed out disciplinary sanctions that were individualized to help each person achieve their maximum potential. In my current line of work, I empathize with members who have unique situations that require special attention. I often try to relate with people by communicating something along the lines of, "In this situation, I am a manager with a certain degree of power, but in most situations, the shoe is on the other foot and I am the customer – and I know how it feels when you are not heard and I don’t want you to have that experience with me. So how can I help.” It’s amazing how people gravitate to those words, instantly connect with me, and bring their best selves to our conversation.

As a husband and father, I am constantly trying to reflect and better myself to be the best overall person I can be. I aim to take the lessons that my parents instilled in me, make tweaks and improvements, and develop my own family to exceed expectations.

So with all of this information, all these thoughts, what comes next…. To quote the Spider-Man movies, ”With great power, comes great responsibility.” We each have a responsibility to listen and hear each other; learn how everyone (or at least those in our daily environment) fit alongside one another; and recognize everyone has something to contribute if we take the time to discover what that looks like. And then, once we’ve mastered that environment, we owe it to ourselves to expand our comfort zone and explore new spaces and people. The world could use a bit more intelligence to go alongside those emotions and it starts with each of us.